The Ninja Shuffle

After my three-year old woke me up on Sunday, we went out to the kitchen to begin our day.

My house is a complete fortress of darkness until lights are switched on or blinds are opened.

After I opened the blinds in the kitchen, I went over to the sink to rinse out some cups.

I filled up a cup and poured it into the drain, then did it again.

Just as I was about to pour it out again the BIGGEST palmetto bug (fancy name for HUGE-ASS ROACH in Florida) made a run for it...up my arm.

I dropped that cup so god damned fast and began to do the ninja shuffle all while screaming my fucking head off.

When it finally dropped to the floor (he was totally injured, limping and shit) I yelled to my sons to get their asses out there and kill the son of a bitch.

Out came the heavy duty fly swatter (it's awesome on all kinds of bugs) and that bitch was dead in under ten seconds.

But  now I'm scarred for life.

I'll never be able to go directly to the sink after letting the light into my kitchen without using the broom handle to knock some things around. You know, to get any bugs lingering from the night into view. 

Let me clarify, it doesn't really matter how clean you are when you live in Florida. The bugs WILL congregate in your house at any given time. The fact that my house is surrounded by a wooded area doesn't help either.

I do the cooking and clean our house. Technically, you could eat off my floors. I'm a clean freak.

The bug killing is for the husband and kids.

It is beyond time to move out of this place...

 

Day Twelve