Once my phone actually rings though, I immediately tense up and nine times out of ten, I slide that reject call button over as fast as possible.
I don't know how to make small talk.
I hate awkward silence and knowing that I'm causing it is even worse.
If someone strikes up a conversation with me about the weather, I instantly put my imaginary ear plugs in. Because, seriously? If you have to start in on the weather, we have no reason to be talking.
Sometimes I'll purposely go absent from Twitter and I wonder if people even notice that I'm gone.
Truth is, they really don't.
And that fucking hurts.
The thing is, I'm completely uncomfortable talking about my current mental state and day to day activities.
So I feel like I have nothing to say and I avoid you.
People, it's because I don't freaking know how to be social.
When I'm sitting in my office, it feels like people are watching me.
When I use the bathroom at work, I think people can see me.
I always think people are whispering about me even if I can't see or hear them.
When it comes to holding a conversation with my kids I fail every time.
They'll have a story to tell and I try to follow it but my mind is thinking about 16 other things and I end up losing track of what my kids are saying.
They probably think I don't care and avoid telling me things because of it.
I can't believe the rest of my life is going to be like this.