A Triggering Post for Triggering Moments

--This post may be triggering to some. Proceed with caution--

She was exhausted.

She probably shouldn't be driving.

Her eyelids grew heavy.

She turned on the A/C in an attempt to wake up.

She hadn't slept for days and her eyes began to close.

The vehicle swerved from her lane and into the next.

Into oncoming traffic.

A semi was fast approaching and the driver honked his horn.

In an instant her sight was jolted, fully awake.

She turned the wheel to avoid the crash but the SUV ended up going off the road.

At such a high speed, trees and brush whipped by.

She finally came to a halt once the vehicle crashed.

She was awake now. Fully awake.

Blood curdling yells sprung from the back seat. 

The deathly scream of the baby roared through the small space, piercing her ears.

The baby was staring at his older brother in the seat next to him.

The brother who wasn't moving.

The brother who was bleeding.

The brother who had a tree limb through his ribcage.

***

This is the scene from a TV show I watched this week.

I can't begin to explain how triggering this was for me to watch.

I once had postpartum depression.

Now, I'm Bipolar.

When I was stricken with PPD, visions such as this coursed through my mind almost daily.

Day to day, I worried that my son would be taken from me. Not necessarily kidnapping.

No.

Through death.

I cannot get this vision out of my head...the one from the TV show.

Just that morning, I was vibrant with life. Nothing could get me down. I may be Bipolar, but for now, I was beating it.

And now I'm in a rut.

Now I am teary eyed for most of the day(s).

The very next night, I was watching a completely different show with my  husband.

I haven't been the same since.

That description is for another time.

For another day.

Right now, I just have to keep breathing and try to remind myself, it was only a television show.

Fiction.

Not going to happen to me.

***Sons of Anarchy was the show, in case you were wondering.

***The next day, it was American Horror Story.