In {Bad} Company

The rain has been falling nonstop for hours. The sound is harmonious. This is my favorite weather.

You might assume that a dreary day could really hurt someone who battles depression but in my case, the opposite is true.

Except today, I am not doing well. At all.

I felt this wave erupting days ago. There have been signs but I continued to keep busy. If I'm busy, the noise in my head is blurred. But one can only stay busy for so long.

There's no sound reason for this to be happening.

I should probably call my doctor for a medication increase. Perhaps the 200mg has overstayed its welcome and it needs a boost. I don't have the energy to play the game with my doctor's office staff though. Call, leave a message, turn down an in-person visit due to cost, wait for another call back with a decision. And on top of everything, it's Monday. Every patient of his is calling. I know because the wait time is longest on Mondays.

The urge to break through my skin is high.

I want to scream but instead I weep.

Crawling back into bed seems light years away.

I want to be left alone.

I need to be left alone.

By myself. My own worst company.