Time doesn't stand still. Time doesn't give a shit about you.
I've been struggling this week. Struggling a lot. It has been hell trying to get this medication situation under control.
After work yesterday, I went home to my bed and took a nap. All the shit was catching up with me.
My phone rang just before 6. The caller ID told me it was my doctor's office. I left two messages earlier in the day and they were finally calling me back. The nurse was giving me the runaround and couldn't provide me with answers to any of my questions. Mental illness might weaken the senses but I still know what questions to ask and need answers to before I move forward. Sheesh.
Ten minutes after I hung up with the nurse my phone rang again. This time it was my actual doctor. Finally. Together we decided to switch from Seroquel XR to regular Seroquel (because XR isn't available generically and I can't afford the price tag that comes with). Since regular Seroquel isn't time released, he also doubled my dose to 200mg. He understood that the XR wasn't knocking me out as expected, but said this version would. So take it at bedtime.
This will happen tonight.
If within a week I'm not feeling any change, I'm to call him back and we'll increase the dose again.
For now, I'm okay with this. It's important for me to know there's a next step when the current one fails. Without knowing what's next, anxiety shoots through my veins instead of blood and I'm no good to anyone.
I feel like I'm back in the driver's seat today. I may still be driving erratically but I'm in control of how fast I'm moving and whether or not I've got my seat belt on.
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas Edison
- Thomas Edison