Weaning update #5

Now I'm in a state of confusion I can't seem to shake.

My doctor called me a short while ago. He's suggesting one of two drugs (before weaning completely). One I've tried already. He thinks I was on it with an antidepressant at the time (I don't know why his computer can't tell him for sure) and that by itself, it could work wonders. The other option is Seroquel. I'm dead against this. The things I've heard, the stories I've read, GAH! I won't take that drug. No more anti-psychotics!

I told him I'd like to finish weaning. One more week. At that point, I'll see how I feel and we'll go from there. His response was for me to bring him some drug names. Huh? I turn two down and now it's my job to do the research?

He's concerned with my anger and mood instability. I get that. Hell, so am I. What's the point of coming off the drugs if you're going to stuff new ones down my throat immediately?

I don't want to be dizzy, exhausted, feel like my IQ had been demolished, I could go on with the side effects I don't want to deal with. Ever again!

So now I don't know what to do. Frankly, I'm tired of being tired of dealing with all this shit. I want my normal self back. Fuck being Bipolar. Fuck mental illness. Fuck it all.