Me: I just had the craziest dream.
Eric: Was it about helicopters landing on houses?
(Totally different post y'all!)
Me: No, smartass. It was about Jesus! (in my take that voice)
Eric: Jesus?
Me: Yes, Jesus. I was in school. A Catholic one. I had to use the bathroom. It was quite the maze finding it, but I did. Because I'm all sorts of awesome...
Eric: ::Eye rolls galore::
Me: As I was approaching the door to leave the bathroom, a scary chick with stringy long blonde hair opened it up and said, "Jesus didn't say you could use the bathroom!" And I was all, "The hell?" Only you can't say shit like 'hell' at that kind of school. So instead, I took off running. I ran all the way back to the classroom where everyone was doing art. I ran past the teacher, who was sitting next to another student, and grabbed her chair. I yanked on it putting her between me and the blonde with the Jesus attitude.
Eric: Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.
Me: Oh it doesn't stop there. The Jesus freak yelled at that student too. "Jesus didn't say you could sit there!" What the... So I ran. I just fucking ran. What else could I do?
Eric: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Me: Remember earlier when you called me a loser, complete with hand to the forehead, for DVRing the rest of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle?
Eric: Yeah. Of course, loser.
Me: Well I finished it after dinner while you were playing mindless video games. I think the symbolism here is the the blonde with stringy hair represents Peyton from the movie. You know, Rebecca De Mornay?
Eric: Yeah, no. Tomorrow's Sunday. I think it represents your need to go to church.
Me: Asshole
I went back to bed.
When I woke up, I took my turn in a few Words With Friends games. When I opened the first game up. My tiles were C-H-U-R-C I was lacking the last H. And thank God, right? Or Jesus? Or Rebecca? The fuck if I know who to thank. Next game...my opponent plays LENT. Come on! So I put the game away. No more of this shit today.
Later on? I'm watching The Omen. Perhaps Damien can help me with my conundrum.
Ha! I've been wanting to use that word for-EVER!
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
LMAO this sounds like my crazy dreams. (Sometimes I think it's the meds.) Husband doesn't even want to hear about them anymore, they're always crazy!
ReplyDeleteI think it's the meds too. Says so on the bottle. But at least it makes for good reading material.
ReplyDeleteDDDUUUDDDEEE JESUS DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD WORDS WITH FRIENDS ;) What a crazy dream.
ReplyDeleteLMAO! So damn true!
ReplyDelete