I asked him this because I was there, in his office, less than a week ago for my hospital follow up. I called this morning practically begging for him to see me.
"No. You're a challenge. I enjoy our visits." He replied.
"Let's make them less often starting today, shall we?" I said.
In short:
- Headaches
- Dizziness
- No focus
- My brain feels like it's on fire (which should subside within the week, due to the muscle relaxer during ECT)
- My reflexes suck
- I'm scared to drive
- Everything I used to do with ease now proposes a challenge, I burned myself pretty badly last night while cooking even
As of today? 18 Medications in 3 short years. 18. That's a lot to me. A hell of a lot. This new round of drugs will include regular blood draws.
What do I want the most? I want to have joy in living again. I want to wake up and look forward to something.
I want a diagnosis that sticks. Not a maybe.
Dammit...I want to want to live. That doesn't seem like too much to ask for.
I'm so inspired by you.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing the right thing in not giving up. It's awesome. I'm cheering for you!!
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ReplyDeletecheck this out.
Janna
http://middletennesseetms.com/tms-testimonials.php
ReplyDeletejust read this article.
http://www.pendulum.org/bpnews/archive/000905.html
ReplyDeleteBe strong. You are doing your best! You take all the time you need!
ReplyDeletethat is not too much to ask for. it is exactly what you should ask for. sending some good vibes. keep wanting to want to live!
ReplyDeleteYou are fighting so bloddy hard Pam.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve all of those things...basic human emotions that are regulated and not dictated by an illness.
I am so sorry that you're struggling.
But I'm so proud that you continue to push.
That is a hero in my eyes.
Xoxo