I asked him this because I was there, in his office, less than a week ago for my hospital follow up. I called this morning practically begging for him to see me.
"No. You're a challenge. I enjoy our visits." He replied.
"Let's make them less often starting today, shall we?" I said.
- No focus
- My brain feels like it's on fire (which should subside within the week, due to the muscle relaxer during ECT)
- My reflexes suck
- I'm scared to drive
- Everything I used to do with ease now proposes a challenge, I burned myself pretty badly last night while cooking even
As of today? 18 Medications in 3 short years. 18. That's a lot to me. A hell of a lot. This new round of drugs will include regular blood draws.
What do I want the most? I want to have joy in living again. I want to wake up and look forward to something.
I want a diagnosis that sticks. Not a maybe.
Dammit...I want to want to live. That doesn't seem like too much to ask for.