A few weeks ago when I called my psychiatrist about the blood results for my lithium level, I got a call from my primary care doctor's office. Since I was fasting, I went ahead and had a full work-up done. The results were in.
Once I heard "pre-diabetic" everything else sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. I heard speaking but it was in the distance and being muffled by static.
How could I have let myself get to this stage? Oh that's right...for three years I was dealing with postpartum depression warping into Bipolar 2. Fun times.
During my last pregnancy, I only gained 30-35 pounds and I was in great shape prior. During my pregnancy I did yoga. I walked. I looked pretty good.
I popped him out right on time, rather quickly, and lost a good 20 pounds in a hurry. I was nursing so he was gobbling down my milk and I was burning calories like a mofo. Then the depression hit and so did the weight loss. I stopped trying. I honestly didn't care.
I do care now. I want to shed the weight and feel better. Looking good is a bonus.
Within days of receiving that phone call, I cut out complex carbs and when I do eat them, it's in extreme moderation or cooked from a recipe calling for specialty items such as low carb pasta (Dreamfields is amazing!).
Then I started working out again. I'm a Jillian Michaels fan all the way and so I started the 30 Day Shred program again along with yoga. I'm not doing "The Shred" daily (in fact Jillian herself recommends rest days, not to go go go for 30 straight days). On my "off days" I pull out my mat and get my yoga on. You know what? It feels spectacular. 20-30 minutes a day is not a lot to dedicate to this, it's just not!
But....(there has to be a but)...I'm afraid to step on the scale. I want to weigh in once a week but I haven't stepped on the scale since the initial time for my before weight. I know I've lost something because my clothes are loose, but the act of following through scares the shit out of me. 15-20 pounds lost will get me out of the pre-diabetic zone. 35-40 pounds lost will make me feel my best. I'm afraid I can't do it, like I can't keep up or something.
What are you eating? What's your workout plan? When do you workout? I want to know your deepest and darkest secrets....Please share!
Good luck, darling! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteDon't ask me - I'm 60lbs overweight and I'm lazy (right now, anyway). I'm slowly getting my motivation back, but.. meh.
I am just getting out of the I-don't-care-stage, and I'm pretty shocked at what I have done to myself. I'm trying to take it one step at a time. Just taking better care of myself and living healthy, before I start battling the weight.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to both of us!
I was in pretty much the same situation you were in the last few years...except for the bi-polar diagnosis. just PPD morphed into regular Depression for me (is there such a thing). I too found that I had gave up and pretty much stopped caring. I just wanted to feel some relief to the stress and anxiety, and if food did that then that's what I did. But as I'm sure you know THAT is just a never ending freaking cycle. ANYWAY.... you asked what our situation is and what we've been eating and doing.
ReplyDeleteMy energy levels were a big fat double zero. Even though I KNEW if I exercised I'd probably feel better in so many ways I just couldn't force myself to do anything other than what I absolutely had to do to get through my days and raise kids. I decided I just had to cut back on calories, but I always felt like I was starving..no matter what I added, cut out, or whatever. I just felt like I couldn't wait for the next meal before having a snack.
This may sound a little crazy, but the subject I was studying in sociology a few weeks ago really helped me. We were studying Social Stratification, and classes,etc... I started to think about all the families and kids everywhere that really do experience hunger. I started thinking to my self that some of these kids went a few days without eating and here I was whining about being hungry 4 or 5 hours after eating a good meal. Then I thought WHY do I treat my body like like? Why do I waste so many extra resources on eating something that my body doesn't really need. I kind of felt guilty about eating so much food and still complaining. My body is designed to run on calories, and it can get by just fine on many less than I was eating. Sooo everytime I start to put something in my mouth I picture a family who has no food and think about how long it's been since I've eaten, and am I eating because I really truly am hungry because my body needs food, or is it because I'm trying to fill some void or just think I'm hungry because surely what I had thought I had been feeling was hunger when compared to these people eating nothing for a few days....it really wasn't a comparison.
Now I allow myself to eat 3 small nutritional meals per day, and I'm recognizing that what I had been feeling before was not really hunger. I've forced myself to drink 10 oz of water per day (Blah..I hate it!) and I've lost about 6 pounds in almost 2 weeks. My clothes are starting to feel a little better, and I've got a little boost of confidence that i needed to help me along emotionally too.
ANyway...as silly s it may sound that's what's working for me right now. Hang in there, and hope you continue to feel better from your exercising and eating plan too. :)
Sorry for any typos..just took my Klonopin for the night and feeling a little cross-eyed right now :)
Stupid PPD! I'm glad you're doing a bit better. I know exercise helps, so why can't I make myself do more of it???
ReplyDeleteIt's called the gallbladder diet...hee hee.
ReplyDelete