I recently finished reading
Lost Edens by
Jamie Patterson in participation with the
From Left to Write book club.
Synopsis:
When her estranged husband asks to live with Jamie again she ignores her instincts and her family's concerns and sets about making a perfect home for them in a California beach town. The delicate negotiation that follows is a carefully constructed reality between what Jamie is willing to acknowledge and what she is not.
I had a hard time swallowing the words within this book because it reminded me too much of my parent's marriage.
My mother did everything for my father. He worked nights and slept for a good part of the day. She served him dinner in bed even when things were rocky. She would literally go out of her way to make him happy even though she was miserable, just to keep the peace. {In the end (after many unhappy years), my mother filed for divorce and out of nowhere, my father contracted pneumonia and passed away before the divorce was final.}
I don't think any marriage can be perfect, but I also think a marriage can be more than just "good enough".
I may get in trouble for writing this here, but this book club is about what the books we read inspire within us.
I sort of see a trend in myself that I may
or may not have learned from my mother. I try to keep the peace at home by doing things in the mechanical sense. I don't think it's fair that I've allowed that to happen; and I hate that I hold a grudge for being taught that way.
I developed a mental illness approximately three years ago. I'm not the person I once was {definitely not the woman my husband married} and in a way, I'm glad for that. I used to be the stubborn one who, if I fell off the schedule set forth even for a millisecond, I would have gone berserk. I've got three children, and plans do need to be set in motion for a good part of the day, but I've learned it's okay to stray.
My mental illness has taught me so much up to this point. Would I rather not be Bipolar? Absolutely. Things happen for a reason, even in the thick-darkness of my illness, I'm able to pull out on the other end knowing that.
I see myself in Jamie. Without spoiling the book for people {stop here if you haven't read it}, I wonder if Jamie would have actually left her husband had her mother not stepped in? Would she have continued to keep things perfect on the surface at home just to remain married to a man who cheated on her? A man who couldn't decide whether or not he even wanted her in his life anymore and he knew he withheld the power of control over her until he would decide...She was so willing to stick around to find out rather than make the change to better her life, to better herself, because to her...marriage is sacred. And it is, to an extent.
A line from the movie
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood stuck with me while reading this memoir (from beginning to end in two sittings). Sandra Bullock's character turns to her father in the movie and asks him,
"Daddy, did you get loved enough?" whilst learning about her own mother's struggles with her marriage.
"What's enough?" He replies.
Really, what is enough?
**This is where I have to tell you I received a copy of Lost Edens at no cost strictly for this review. The opinions in this post are that of my own. You can purchase your copy of Lost Edens HERE.
