Intrusive Thoughts - Happiness - Making Rash Decisions

I haven't had intrusive thoughts about my toddler in months.

Yesterday they made a big return and I fed them like an idiot.

I cried most of the way home while I was on the phone with my husband who was reiterating my worth.

By the time I got home, I was better. I made myself a margarita and started my Thanksgiving baking. Last night it was pumpkin bread. Tonight it's Dutch Apple Pie and I'm going to give a Dutch Blueberry Pie a go.

I love Thanksgiving. All my guys are going to gather around the table tomorrow and eat the feast I prepare in a loving way. My brother will join us. There's no pressure with gift giving. It's all about the food and company.

Today I wanted to share something with all of you. Decision making, or rather, making rash decisions.

Just a few weeks ago I made a huge life changing decision and luckily, my head cleared after several days and I was able to take it back. It's part of being Bipolar. Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment and often regret it later. More often than not, in fact.

For some of us, it's more than just saying things. Sometimes we act on our thoughts, which can be much much worse. I haven't shared my story about my own personal spontaneous actions here as of yet, but I was Baker Acted a few weeks ago because of actions I almost took on myself. 

Sometimes it's hard to keep up with the racing thoughts that drive through our brains at frightening speeds.

I have my moments where I just don't want to deal with this thing called life anymore. But you know what? I'm grateful for the loving people who surround me and remind me that I am here for a reason and I am needed and loved in the deepest ways possible.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.