Banishing the Negative

Last night my mind started working overtime. So many thoughts at once, it was hard to process it all. I stayed up a little later than usual but felt refreshed this morning. I don't know how. I woke up a bunch in the early morning hours to my husband nudging me to stop snoring (if you have suggestions to help me stop, I'm all ears).

It felt like a hypomanic phase is about to/has start(ed). At least it did. I was so "high" this morning and now I just want the day to end. I hate the way that happens. It just fizzles out, like that, nothing. 

I spent a good part of my day worrying about a friend who is suicidal. I've been chatting with people who know her on and off throughout the day, and even called her office to get some information. She's fine. Or as fine as I'm able to know. But you know what? I'm pissed.

I don't know if I'm pissed that my so-called mania didn't escalate and keep hold (maybe I was just in a really good mood for a short time?), or if I'm mad at my friend for trying to take her own life, or if I'm mad at myself because I really didn't try to stop her (because deep inside, I still kind of get her wanting an "out"), maybe it's partially that I hate when other people bring me down when I am up, and on and on she goes.

I think it's time to remove myself from the filth that is bad relationships. Relationships gone sour, if you will. It can't be healthy for my mental well being. It's not healthy for anyone's mental well being, but when you have a mental illness, it's that much worse.

"My heart is open. I speak with loving words." 

--Louise L. Hay

I want to get there. To that place. The place where I can speak in a positive manner and banish the negative.