I need some time...

Just a quick note to say that I need to take a blogging leave of absence. Is that even allowed?

Everything is okay!

I just need to point my attention to some much needed mental healing. Apparently, postpartum depression can come back, even after you think you've been healed. Fucker!

I have an appointment to go to today but I will update everyone soon. I'm not going to let this drown me. I know how to swim, I just need a life preserver at the moment to help.

I'll be thinking about you all and will continue to read your entries and comment when I can!

xoxox

Vampire Kiss Martini {Adult Beverage of the Week}

Vampire Kiss Martini

• 1 part Vodka, chilled
• 1 part Champagne
• 1 part Chambord

Rim the glass with red sugar (use food coloring) or drop in a set of wax vampire teeth for a real surprise. Pour vodka in a martini glass, top with Champagne and pour a little of the Chambord over the back of a spoon to make it float.

* 5 Minutes For Mom * Live and Love...Out Loud *
* A Beautiful Mess * Seven Clown Circus *

Science Fair Time AGAIN {Post-It Style}

Because the words leave me speechless...

I have a husband whom I adore and three children who are my life (sometimes I wish them away, thou shan't lie).... but books are my ultimate companion! When asked what I'm reading my instant reply would be, "At which time of the day?" I have a minimum of two books going at once, sometimes more.

I don't understand it when people say they don't read. Rather, they don't read books. How could you not?

Books are like Halloween to me. Halloween is the one day each year you that you can disguise yourself into someone or something else, and nobody questions you for it. Sure, some books have some very questionable topics but the idea that you can escape into someone else's world, even for a brief time? That floors me!

I've recently swallowed the Twilight series whole. It left me feeling empty because I wanted more. In walked Katniss Everdeen of The Hunger Games series and that void was instantly fulfilled. I'm currently at the end of book three, Mockingjay. It leaves me breathless. I'm afraid to finish the series because once the book is closed, a piece of me will disappear within. I'm also consuming Under the Dome by the one and only, Stephen King (did you catch him on the last episode of Sons of Anarchy? Brilliant!). I'm chewing on that one, bit by bit, and pairing it with the most delectable of wines.

When a book captures my attention, you'll rarely see me in a room without it. I become obsessed. Just yesterday my husband pointed out my latest Stephen King craze upon the counter-top (he already read it). He asked me what Under the Dome was doing up there? I told him my books are like my pets. While I may not have my nose in it right now, I'm thinking about it and I might want to pat its head when I walk by. You know, graze it affectionately now and again...

I'm craving the crisper weather of Fall, but alas, I live in Florida and that's not within my instant grasp. Why? Mid-afternoon french vanilla coffee, a blanket, a cracked window, and whichever book I'm reading at the present time. Doesn't that sound rich?

What are YOU reading?!

Things that go BUMP in the night?

While reading the book ROOM, by Emma Donoghue, I got to thinking about a child's perception of every day living.

About the book:

To five-year-old Jack, Room is the entire world. It is where he was born and grew up; it’s where he lives with his Ma as they learn and read and eat and sleep and play. At night, his Ma shuts him safely in the wardrobe, where he is meant to be asleep when Old Nick visits.

Room is home to Jack, but to Ma, it is the prison where Old Nick has held her captive for seven years. Through determination, ingenuity, and fierce motherly love, Ma has created a life for Jack. But she knows it’s not enough…not for her or for him. She devises a bold escape plan, one that relies on her young son’s bravery and a lot of luck. What she does not realize is just how unprepared she is for the plan to actually work.

Told entirely in the language of the energetic, pragmatic five-year-old Jack, ROOM is a celebration of resilience and the limitless bond between parent and child, a brilliantly executed novel about what it means to journey from one world to another.

I recently wrote a contributing post at Mama Moderne about Night Terrors. In the article, I mention on a particular night, my son's night terror was triggered by his worry about money. My son is eleven years old and has been experiencing night terrors for years. It made me wonder, what conversations were overheard by him, etc... that would have triggered past night terrors?

I know children have sponge-like minds and they are constantly soaking in waves of information. How they perceive it can often times come off as humorous to most adults. Do you ever wonder what lurks in the shadows? The things they pick up on but choose not to discuss with you?

ROOM has opened a new door in my home, one I didn't know existed. My children know that they can come to my husband or I with any question and we'll answer it as honestly as we can. However, if they don't ask, we can't tell.

Perhaps what is lurking 'in the closet' or 'under the bed' isn't really a monster. It's real life and it scares the shit out of them...

My copy of ROOM was received free of charge on behalf of the From Left to Write book club.

Hawaii Five-O {As in OH this cast is yummy!}

I'm going to paint this post with pictures!

Alex O'Loughlin

Scott Caan

Daniel Dae Kim

Grace Park

I love this show. Yes, it's another cop deal but it's different. It's like a modern day cop show. Actually, in the pilot episode, the "bad guy" gets caught and is being questioned by the yum-a-licious cast. The questioning is rather bad-ass and the "bad guy" is all, "What kind of cops are you?" and hottie numero uno above replies, "The new kind!" ....and I was hooked!

It's quirky and funny and packed with witty humor. The cast is beautiful but not in a "I'm so not going to get my hands dirty" kind of way. It's a keeper.

What new shows are you watching that you love? What shows are back that you are watching the clock until premiere hour strikes?

Fitted Sheets - - People FOLD Those?

Last night, I closed the cover on Lisa Quinn's book "Life's Too Short To Fold Fitted Sheets: Your Ultimate Guide to Domestic Liberation" and I was glowing as a result. Why? Because it is over flowing with advice, humor and relevant information for any mother who isn't too stuck up to use it.

Synopsis:

In the tradition of Erma Bombeck and Peg Bracken, author Lisa Quinn Emmy Award-winning television host and recovering Marthaholic gets real on the follies of housekeeping. Life's Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets is a crash course in Slacker Chic 101 that will have over-extended women everywhere laughing out loud and throwing in the towel the dishtowel, that is. Full of shortcuts and tricks for cleaning, decor, and entertaining, such as: the top 10 things you have to clean if you have company coming in 30 minutes; interior finishes that hide the most dirt; 17 meals made from a deli chicken; and much more, this wickedly funny guide helps women create the life they want without all the hard labor and without compromising style.

When I was approached to host a review of this book {which I received free of charge in exchange} my first thought was "People FOLD fitted sheets?" You don't even want to know what I do with mine...

Fitted Sheets is a quick read. In fact, at the end of the introduction Lisa writes, "I kept it short, because I know you're busy. Perfection is overrated. Live a little." I'll admit, I only skimmed the surface of certain sections {ala entertaining} because I want to be entertained not the entertainer herself. I have a list of amazing tidbits from this book. Here are just a few:

• Rub white candles on your bathroom grout to prevent mold and mildew.
• Pour salt over a spill in your oven. The salt will halt the burning smell and form an easily removable crust over the top of the spill.
• Grab scraps of foil, and cut through six to eight layers with scissors; they will be like new.
• Didn't use a coaster and now you've got an ugly white ring on your table? Rub a little Worcestershire sauce into the ring, and let it sit for a couple of hours. Wipe it off with a rag.
  
• Citrus peels help maintain the integrity of your garbage disposal blades.

The modern woman's life is over flowing with to-do lists. This book gives you permission to relax a little and enjoy the life you've built.

Fitted Sheets is for you if you want to learn more about decorating short cuts and cheats, interior finishes that hide the most dirt and half-assed hospitality!

Don't even bother with this book if you think Martha Stewart's way of life is the only way!

Who is Lisa Quinn, anyway?


She is a recovering Martha-holic, Emmy Award winning TV host, and mother of two. Lisa is a contributor to Better Homes and Gardens, Redbook, Life, and PARADE magazines; has appeared on Good Morning America, the CBS Early Show, HGTV, and Oprah; designed sets for the National Geographic Society and the Discovery Channel; and starred in her own one-hour special for the Fine Living Network. Lisa currently serves as spokesperson for IKEA and DuPont. Home With Lisa Quinn is syndicated nationally on the Live Well HD Network.

Next time you visit your neighbor's house and you notice one of Lisa's short-cuts, you can glance in her direction while holding your glass of wine, smile and give the nod of approval.

Adult Beverage of the Week

Jack O'Lantern

1 oz Cognac

1 1/2 oz Orange Juice
1/2 oz Ginger Ale
1/2 oz Grand Marnier
Orange Wheel and Lime Twist for Garnish

Preparation:

1. Combine all ingredients in a shaker.
2. Strain into a low-ball glass over ice.
3. Float an orange wheel with a lime twist poked into the top.

How cute is this drink? It tastes nothing like a pumpkin but it looks like a pumpkin. After all, you eat/drink with your eyes first, no?

And because I've been posting bonus photos of my little one for the past several weeks, I'm going to continue in that fashion. The family and I hit up the water park last weekend and I snapped some fab shots!

Lazy River

Double Fistin'

Result of Double Fistin'

Splashing

* 5 Minutes For Mom * Live and Love...Out Loud *
* A Beautiful Mess * Seven Clown Circus *

Crazy Dream - - {Post-It Style}

I'm Not A Storm Chaser, Really!

I moved to Florida from New Jersey (where the only worry was, how high should my hair go today?) when I was nineteen. My mother bought a mobile home (A.K.A. trailer) for my son (then 2 years old) and I to live in. It was actually really nice!

A few weeks after settling in, I watched the movie Twister for the first time. You know, the one with the "flying" cows.... The very next night, we were under a tornado warning, I shit you not. Not just a watch, but a warning. Meaning, a tornado is going to take your mobile home and gobble it down as an appetizer in ten minutes! I freaked out.

I remember attempting to sleep that night with the TV left on, tuned to the news. Every two and a half minutes the siren would go off with the red band flashing on the bottom of the screen reminding me of my doom.

There were no visible funnel clouds that night.

Flash forward a few years and my now husband was living with us. Guess what? Another W.A.R.N.I.N.G. was occurring. This time though, when looking outside, the sky looked like this:


Okay fine. It looked a little more like this:



What did I make my husband do at this point?



Okay, that might be a bit dramatic. I did make him drive around though:



There are instructions for when you're already in your car and a tornado forms. There aren't instructions that say "If there's a tornado warning, get in your car and track it down!" Unless you're a storm chaser and you're going against all the rules!

My husband probably shook his head, argued with me for a minute, whatever. In the end, I won and we drove.

There never was a tornado. To this day, 24 years after initially moving here, I've never seen a tornado. Well, not including all the times I've seen Twister on TNT since then....

What's with the blog?

It's the end of the week and also my last assignment from SITS:

Write about what blogging means to you. Why do you blog? What purpose does it serve you and how have you benefited from sharing a piece of yourself online this way?

When I started this here blog back in June of 2009, I was suffering from Postpartum Depression (PPD). It wasn't pretty. I was just becoming familiar with the world of blogging and I thought it would be a great way to get the thoughts out of my head. Some self healing of sorts.

Little by little, other women who were suffering (or had suffered) with PPD began to contact me. We were all in different stages, pulling each other through, and cheering for one another. To this day, I am still contacted by women from all over the world, asking for my (un-medical-professional) advice. It feels wonderful to have been helped and to have helped others through the illness.

I don't recall when it happened, but one day I got my funny back. Not that I had ever truly shown it via my blog when I was sick. Since then, I've taken the mundane events in my life and written about them here. Funnily (as in, really funny)! I've mixed in some serious topics and reviews along the side.

The short version to why I blog is simple, free therapy. I'd also like to think that I'm pretty good at it. I've met so many great fellow bloggers during my time here and I continue to write just about every day because it's fun. I've dabbled into some short stories, writing exercises and shared silly things about my husband and kids. I'm known as the mommy blogger with a twist of adult humor.

I don't know how exactly it happened, changing the name of my blog, but I knew when I made it official that I was going to be known for it. It originated as "Motherhood is Challenging" (remember, I was in a haze back then) to "2 Much Testosterone". Not too long ago, the spermies were incorporated into the design and the rest is history.

I could sit here and plug a bunch of funny (to me) posts but I won't do that. You know where the archives are! I will leave you with my Twitter handle though..... lotsOspermies. Because that's how I roll, spermie style, YO!

Womanly Inspiration

This is the most difficult prompt so far this week from the SITS Girls Back to Blogging Event.

Write a new post about a woman who inspires you.

Difficult how? Deciding on just one woman wouldn't do! I'm surrounded by women who amaze me each and every day!

There's my sister, Lisa, who no matter what life throws at her, she continues to give it the finger and push forward with the highest of hopes.

There's my sister, Gina, who is one of the strongest most positive women I'll ever know. She is able to turn stepping into a pile of someone's old gum to something positively glamorous.

There's my mother-in-law, Libby (A.K.A. The Colorado Mama), who is the world's best advice giver and listener. There's a life lesson lurking beneath her surface and I love that I don't have to pry it from her. She very willingly presents it, but it's up to you to embrace it.

There's my cousin-in-law, LynnMarie, who emanates beauty from every pore in her skin. Not only is she a vision, but it's more her personality that turns heads as she walks into the room.

There's my bestie, Lorie, who no matter how hard she's knocked over by the ones she loves, she's able to look forward and keep going. Ain't no man gonna permanently brand this one. She might weeble and wobble but she'll never fall down!

There are countless women bloggers who I read and read me in return, without fail, daily. You are all someone special to me in one or many ways.

So you see where this is going... We could all jump on board with this prompt and write about some famous woman. Someone who paved the way for handfuls of other women in the world but for me, it's the ones I can physically reach out and touch, who mean the most.

Wordless {Wordful} Wednesday - - Adult Beverage of the Week

Candy Corn Vodka
From The Inquisitr

Ingredients:

For the infused vodka:
* 1/2 cup candy corn
* 1 1/2 cups vodka

For the cordials:
* 2 ounces orange liqueur
* Juice of 1/2 lemon
* 1 large egg white (which I would personally omit)
* Candy corn, for garnish

Directions:

Infuse the vodka: Combine the candy corn and vodka in an airtight container; set aside for at least 3 hours, then strain.

Make the cordials: Add 4 ounces of the candy corn vodka, the orange liqueur, lemon juice and egg white to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake vigorously for at least 30 seconds. Strain into 2 chilled martini glasses and garnish with candy corn.

This is sure to make a hauntingly good treat for post trick or treating!

BONUS PHOTO!!

This is my new Facebook profile picture. The caption reads:

Look what mama learned me when dad left for school!!

* 5 Minutes For Mom * Live and Love...Out Loud *
* A Beautiful Mess * Seven Clown Circus *

Blog Post Titles That Rule!

It's day 3 of the SITS Girls "31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge"! I'm having so much fun with this. Today, I'm supposed to: Re-upload a post with a title that you are particularly proud of and explain why.

Firstly, I couldn't decide between 2 of my old posts and since 1 of them is so short, I've uploaded both. Also, I tend to crack myself up sometimes so please don't think I'm vain with my reasoning.

#1 From July 9, 2010:

Catatonia

Gaunt. Eyes sunken in. Cheekbones protruded beneath taut skin. The man twisted around taking note of the rising sun. Colors intertwined above creating hints of deep red submerged by the usual oranges and pinks. The lake was still, fully hushed. The water engulfed the scene like that of paint upon canvas. He took a knee, carefully listening, as if the waking sun were whispering his next move. As the sun rose into place for its day ahead, the man’s eyes wandered to the ground. His once clear mind was now in a haze. Could this be a dream? The trance had been broken as he stepped over the body and grasped the shovel…

Photo Credit: Jane Yolen’s, The Sea Man

{A Writing Exercise}

***

I love this post title. If I had read the word "Catatonia" as the title to someone's blog, I would have immediately clicked the link to see what was going on...

#2 From July 30, 2010:

Condiment Chaos

You know when you get ready to cook something and you thought you had everything you needed and you already were at the grocery store today and now you have to go back?

Or in my case, you burn the hell out of the hot dogs you left on the grill with the burner on a whee bit too high and then totally forgot you put them on there in the first place and now you need to run to the store for new hot dogs but then they don't have the brand you want and so you settle for the next best thing in hopes to trick your husband, but then while you're turning the new hot dogs over on the grill he's banging on the door from behind you shouting, "Are those Nathan's?" and your mind is all, "How the fuck did he know I got Sabrett's. Fucker has hot dog x-ray vision!" while you're all giving him the "what??" look like you can't hear him through the glass door?

You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you?

Okay, so I may have had the detailed instance above happen to me this week so I hit the grocery store at super sonic speed..... While I was running down the aisle with all the condiments, you know, the dressing, ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauces.... I stopped mid-stride to observe the beauty of the aisle.

For whatever reason, I was the only one in this aisle at the time. When I said I stopped mid-stride, I mean my feet stopped way before the upper half of my body and I nearly took a nose dive!

Why you ask?

The shelves were so orderly. All the labels were facing forward and there were no gaps. These shelves were stocked to their fullest capacity!

Get on with it? Fine...

I wanted so badly to stick my arm in between the dressing bottles and run. I wanted to take out all those condiments and watch them fall to the floor. I wanted to create complete chaos among the ketchup and mustard bottles. Anarchy in the condiment aisle!!!

I may need to get a life. Or stop burning hot dogs to avoid trips such as this. Either one.

***

"Condiment Chaos"? Come on, it's genius!