Happy Birthday to ME!

Isn't this one bitchin' cake? I totally wish I had 

it for my birthday today. Yep, it's my birthday! I'm 

33. My son turned 11 yesterday. Kind of cool that 

every eleven years, we'll both be double 

numbers, huh? 

So I just want to say that I have the best followers, 

EVER! Thank you all for being there for me no 

matter what happens. Getting to "virtually" know 

you has been such a pleasure and I welcome getting

to know any of you who may be lurking in the 

shadows. I don't bite. Not too hard anyway.

I have been blogging close to a year now. I've 

come a long way! I have been so very lucky to 

never have had a comment in a negative manner. 

Ever. I read about people being attacked or people 

having issues with using real names and posting pictures 

of their family, etc... I'm very lucky I suppose.

So a big thank you to all of you! I wish I could

tell you that I'm tipping back margaritas today but

I'm recovering from yesterday's surgery. No biggie.

I'm actually writing this post before I even had the 

surgery so I don't lapse in my posts AND because y'all, 

it's my birthday and I need to gloat a bit. So I know all 

is going to be okay and that if anything is found it

is fixable. My doctor is the greatest and I have the 

greatest husband and kids a girl could ever ask for 

taking care of me. I have all my bloggy friends 

cheering virtually and I have lots of friends and 

my family doing the same.

Plus, I'm totally gonna post pictures of my girlie bits

once I get my hands on them. That's my present to you! 

Have a fantastic Memorial Day weekend and do me

a favor and have a margarita, beer, glass of wine 

(you get the idea) in my honor. 

In lieu of a real post, I'm directing you to some of my 

favorite past posts, some are low on the comments 

because well, my readers have grown over time:

THIS one is about eating from the trash!

THIS one is about bitches and ho's!

THIS one is an ode to fabulous comfort clothes!

THIS one has ummm, a photo of my baby flipping the bird!

THIS one is about my fear of dolls!

Okay, I'll stop now because basically you should

just go start from the first post and catch up. I think

I'm kind of funny. Or maybe I just make myself 

laugh. Oh shit, I have a new complex now!

Love all you bitches!

*Smoochies*

Happy Birthday Isaac!

Buppy!!

You're 11 today! For 11 years you have made 

me laugh like nobody else can. For 11 years you 

have made the most adult comments with a kid's 

twist. Some of what comes out of your mouth 

astonishes me. It feels like your mission on this 

Earth is to take the most complicated situations 

and make them into something without hassle

followed by a simple life lesson. 

You are brave, handsome, sweet, innocent, 

and feisty. I love the little inside jokes we share

and the games we play. We have a connection and 

a bond that nobody else quite understands. I love it

when we're on our long drive to and from school/work

every day and a song comes on we both love. Singing 

along with you in the car while passers-by stare is 

something I'm going to miss when you 

change schools next year.

Each time your dad and I have visited your school

for open house or a special event, we love hearing

from your teachers what an example student/person

you are. Having you in my life is the greatest 

compliment I could ever have received.

When I was pregnant with you and the end of 

May neared, I was so selfish and didn't want to share

my birthday with you. When we went into the 

hospital though the day before my birthday, I 

secretly wished you would stay in just a few hours

more so we did have that extra connection. Now

every year we celebrate our birthdays together. It's 

fun to know that every 11 years we will both 

celebrate double numbered birthdays together. I'm

so glad your dad pointed this out.

I cannot wait to give you presents, watch you make

your big wish, and blow out your birthday candles. 

Thank you Isaac, for choosing your father and I to 

be your parents. You are a fantastic big brother to 

Xavier and a wonderful little brother to Jerytt. You 

have the biggest heart of anyone I will ever have

the pleasure of knowing. 

Happy Birthday my boy.....

Love,

The Mom xo

Wordless {Wordful} Wednesday - - Beer of the Week {IN EFFECT}

This week's pick isn't beer. It's a cider! 

A hard cider.

Chances are you've seen a six-pack of Woodchuck 

down the beer aisle of any store. 

Have you ever bought some? It's delish. Woodchuck 

Cider is fantastic in the Summer because it's like 

apple juice on acid or in the Winter because it's like 

warm apple cider on PCP. I don't quite understand my 

comparisons because I've never tried either. Probably. 

 

*Ahem*

Back to the cider....

--"Crisp and refreshing because they’re made 

from apples, never woodchucks."

Doesn't that make you want to go out and buy some

crack cider, right this instant? I enjoy the original, but

I'll be honest, I've never had the four other flavors. 

Don't be all strange on me pour it into a glass and 

garnish it with a cherry and citrus wedge. That's just

silly. Crack 'er open (make sure you don't need an opener

first, there's nothing more embarrassing than having to

ask the hubs to help you twist off your cap when you 

need a goddamn opener, with blood shedding from open 

wounds - - SHEESH!) and pour it down your throat.

The amber is sweet but not, knock you over and run to 

get a root canal, sweet. It's savory-sweet, with a splash 

of bad-ass! The smell is like... Well I would compare it 

to riding bareback on a Pegasus over babbling brooks....

 

Sorry, I think I was just recalling a flashback dream 

I once had. It smells really good okay? Just take my 

word! My word is my bond brotha!

Have you ever been to BJ's Restaurant? A BJ's opened

up in Colorado just before we moved away and I fell in 

love with their ciders. So much so that I just went to 

their website and typed in my zip code to find the 

nearest location. Usually I'm about seven states too far to

the right. HA! I beat the system this time. There's a mother 

fucking BJ's opening up not too far from where I work in 

July bitches! I know what I'm doing over my lunch hour after 

work on Fridays. (as has become the norm of this post,
side-track city, BJ's is not my recommendation
of today but I recommend you go there tomorrow
  if you happen to be within the vicinity of one!)

Go buy some Woodchuck Cider, today! He won't 

bite. But if he tries to bite just drown his woodchuck 

ass in the cider, it may pack an extra kick to the flavor.

Disclaimer: No woodchucks were harmed or drowned 

in cider during the creation of this post. I fracking 

promise y'all!

What's your pleasure? Wordless or Wordful? You decide!

Hasbro Family Game Night Winner!!

The winner of my Hasbro Family Game Night Giveaway is......

 Eunice from Random Walk Down Mommy Street!!

I'll be in touch so I can ship these games to you. You're 

going to have so much fun. Congratulations!

Post-It Note Tuesday - - Happy Birthday Isaac, Your Mom is a Jerk!

 

 

Giving Advice vs. Taking Advice

Are you one of those people who can dish out

advice for long lengths of time but when it comes 

to receiving it, not so much? I don't mean to sound 

selfish. I love hearing advice. I love the way it 

sounds from another's mouth. 

Depending on the time of day right now, I'm either

writhing in pain... dosed up on pain medication... or

feeling like the light is shining through and I may 

be getting better. Aside from being tired this morning 

while getting ready for work, I did feel a little bit better.

I saw my doctor last Thursday and things were 

looking a bit brighter for me. Then on Friday, I couldn't

sit at my desk at work any longer and went home. The 

couch and heating pad were my best friends this weekend. 

I watched some pretty great movies and giggled from my 

living room island when my tiny boy walked like 

Frankenstein to and fro. He's getting quite good at it.

The fear set in for sure! Okay, the blood work is 

normal. The urinalysis is normal. Why am I still 

hurting and why is there blood now? There wasn't 

blood before! I cried on the phone to my mother-in-law 

who gives the best advice in the world. This 

time? I took it to heart (well I always take it to hear)... 

but I listened and followed the rules. 

I have a call (two actually) into my doctor right 

now. To surgery or not to surgery, that is the

question of the hour! 

Stupid images fly through my head. I'm always 

wondering, what if I happen to wake up while they're

working on me and I begin to feel stuff. What if something

happens to me? I have the greatest husband on the planet

but would he be able to hold it together enough to care 

for our three children? Of course he would but would I 

be able to watch him to it? I would be one of those 

people who don't go where they're supposed to, I'd linger 

and talk to my loved ones just loud enough for them 

to know I'm there. 

I fear death. This is so fucking stupid. I'm not worried 

about the actual procedure. I'm worried about what will 

be found. Or not found. It's confusing, right? Make me feel

like I'm not isolated, please?

No Friday Fatties This Week Chicas!! Fawk You Instead....

I'm going with Fawk You Friday instead!!!!

Today is going to consist of a quick update

to yesterday's post.

When I arrived for my follow-up, I was told that 

my doctor left thirty minutes prior to deliver a baby. 

They expected him back any time and I was asked to 

wait, that he in fact would want to see me. When I was

told this, I instantly braced myself for the worst possible 

news. Why do I do that to myself, every time? 

About a half hour later this woman I had never seen 

before at this office told me my doctor wasn't returning, 

there were complications, and could I reschedule. For

Friday. Friday? That's two days from now! Could I please 

just see his nurse and collect my lab results so as not to 

dream up (or Google) the numerous ailments I 

might have in the meantime. Motherfuckingbiotcheggsucker! 

She was mean. She said no. I was vulnerable. I

wanted answers. 

It was close to the time that their office was to be 

finished for the day but many people remained in 

the lobby. So I agreed to see a midwife. I'm not against 

midwifes (or is it midwives?), I just really love my doctor 

and don't love the idea of seeing anyone but him! One 

of the totally fantastic girls who normally runs the front 

desk waved to me in that "I'm totally getting his nurse for

you now," manner, "but please don't tell on me!". When

the nurse snuck into the lobby to see me, I freakin' lost 

it. I don't do this. I can handle pain. What I couldn't 

handle was the suspense of my lab results at their fingertips. 

The tears were flowing. Completely like that scene from 

Alice in Wonderland where Alice ends up swimming out 

of the pool of tears she created!

It was all negative. I'm fine. I mean, I'm still

in pain but I don't have anything harsh. I don't

have a "label". I went back this morning to see my 

doctor in person and he comforted me. He's going to talk

to the biznitch who usually is "kept in the back", as

he put it. 

So that's that with that. If this happens again I'm going to 

have to have the surgery. But for now, I will ride out the

storm and continue taking my antibiotics to fight off infection.

I hope none of you ever have to deal with this, 

ever... ever... ever...

Happy Weekend!

P.S. As is the norm anymore, something interferes my

pathway to good health and weight loss. It sucks plain 

and simple, but I'll get there because I'm determined. In

the meantime though, I'm completely and totally depressed...

Oh! Don't forget about my Hasbro Family Game Night
giveaway!! It ends on Monday.

Deep South Moms: Tales of Insurance Woes

My third post published yesterday! Go check it out here!

Writer's Workshop - - An ill time

2.) What was your medicine? Write about a time you 

remember being ill.
(inspired by writingfix.com)

Well, at the present time I am on antibiotics and 

Lortab. I just had an ovarian cyst rupture. Can I 

just say, OUCH! 

I felt the onset of lower back pain on Saturday. Nothing

too harsh but I knew I didn't do anything strange to 

render it. I spent all day Sunday cleaning and the pain 

hadn't gotten any worse. By Monday, I could barely 

walk and called my Gynecologist. I had a good idea that

it was a ruptured cyst because at my last visit just a few

weeks ago, I had an ultrasound due to some pain I was

having in my left ovary.  

I had a follow-up ultrasound yesterday and fluid was

found around my ovary signaling a rupture. I also 

had a low-grade fever and walking was so agonizing! I was 

sent for a bunch of blood and urine lab work. I am 

leaving in approximately fifteen minutes to go to a follow 

up appointment. I'm not sure what to expect. Being the 

dumbass that I am, I've consulted Web MD and 

Google. I'm hoping to avoid a Laparoscopic surgery.

 

My insurance just went under a face-lift of its own and I'll

just say, if I have to have surgery, I'm fucking screwed. And 

aside from the really cool "sleeves" they put on your legs 

during this procedure to massage you and keep your 

blood from clotting, it's a bore.

I have a very high threshold for pain. This? I cannot 

deal with anymore. Luckily my doctor understands

what I'm going through, insurance-wise, and is trying 

to keep me out of the O.R. while holding my best interest

at heart at the same time.

I am writing this while "under the influence" of a 

pain managing narcotic. Even while dosed up, I know 

when to shut my trap before my words get ugly.

To be continued...

Tales of Insurance Woes

Look at this face! This is my Xavier, that's pronounced with a "Z" sound not an "X", in case you were wondering. He is without insurance at the present time because some bonehead canceled it on the insurance company's end and what do you know, I can't get through on the telephone to have it fixed. So I took matters into my own hands and threatened to go to the media. You know what? It worked!

Here in Florida, we have the Florida KidCare program. You pay "x" amount each month for your children to have insurance. My family qualifies right now because we're a one income home as my husband is a full-time student. It works out great because $15 per month vs. over $500 for my company's health coverage is obviously the better choice. The thing is, your child has to be five to be eligible. I didn't know this.


When I was still pregnant with Xavier, I gave the folks at KidCare a call to find out the procedure to add my baby once he was born. I was told to simply call from the hospital to give his date of birth and he'd be added automatically and the proper paperwork was to follow in the mail. So I did. That was when I was told it didn't work like that. Seriously?

Medicaid is what's available to our children in Florida under the age of five. There are branches of Medicaid you are referred to once the paperwork is completed and they see what bracket you fall into. My son's paperwork didn't get approved until he was well over nine months old. In the meantime, I brought him to clinics to get his well-baby checks and his immunizations. I have bills as old as he is that linger because you want to know why? Nobody at the Medicaid Customer Service answers the phone.

You dial this, press that, decode the other via your telephone keypad and then BAM! The recording that goes something like, "We are experiencing a high volume of calls at the present time, please try your call again later!"... Come on. No leave your message at the tone and we'll call you back within xx days. No "Please hold, your call will be answered in 90 minutes!"... Because you know what? I would gladly sit on hold for 90 minutes if it meant I would get answers!

I elevated matters this week via email because then I know I would have a paper trail. I received an answer back within the hour. It's crazy what a little threat can do! It's also quite sad. I threatened to take my case to the local newspapers, radio, TV, and I even used my "pull" as the Editor/Publisher of Palm Coast Macaroni Kid (my town's newsletter of family friendly events, activities, and articles). I hate having to threaten but if it means I'm going to get answers then by golly, I'm going to do it!

Here's the kicker.... They're completely trying to pull a fast one over on me. When you apply or reapply for the insurance, you're supposed to submit information on your entire family including all of your children even if their insurance isn't up for renewal. With that in mind, I received this year's payment stubs, which contain all three of my son's names. This implies my renewal packet was received in its entirety because this particular insurance doesn't mess around with cancellations (obviously, right?). Someone internally made a mistake and they aren't owning up to it. Now I'm having to reapply and put appointments on hold for my littlest shortie.

You can be sure I let the woman who decided my case was important enough to address after I threatened them, know that my son's appointments are on hold. You can also rest assured that they are fully aware of the pile of bills I have in my possession dating back to March 2, 2009, the day I gave birth. I don't like owing people money especially when, in my eyes, I don't really owe this money.

I'm all for a health care reform. I'm not for the chosen health care reform. The process of the reform has been created in a rushed manner and important factors are bound to fall through the cracks. Our government makes it out to sound beneficial, and it can be. However, the lack of training within our system is a very big deal. Tremendous in fact. It's time to bring someone on board who understands this and who will be dedicated to the logistics behind it 24/7. One's mind cannot wander from the heath care issues to that of what is happening with the war and other important factors revolving around America.

Further photographs of Pamela's sons can be found on her blog, 2 Much Testosterone along with events of much less serious nature.

This is an original Deep South Moms post.



This post was originally published at Deep South Moms, an SV Moms Group blog {Now closed}!

Wordless {Wordful} Wednesday - - Beer of the Week

This week's pick angers me! The only way you're going 

to get your hands on it is:

#1 - You have to have a Rock Bottom 

 Brewery near you

#2 - It only taps once a year, usually the end of 

February/beginning of March

I used to live in Colorado, within five miles of a 

Rockbottom. Oh how I miss you Rock Bottom and

your yummy updated bar food, warm atmosphere, 

and glorious beer.

Here it is folks!

Oh. Em. Gee.

Rock Bottom sells their beer by the growler. A big 

brown jug in regular people talk. I used to head over

there and purchase several growlers of Fire Chief Ale 

when it was tapped because once it was gone, you had to 

wait another year to get it again! And boy did they go all out.

Upon entering Rock Bottom, there would be 

Fire Chief dummies set up... banners.... You had to 

get it while the gettin' was good you know what I mean? 

Here's their description of Fire Chief Ale:

Our fresh-brewed Fire Chief Ale is a
medium-bodied, auburn-colored Ale that gets 
its pleasant sweetness and lightly toasted 
character from select caramel and crystal malts. 
Hand-selected hops from the Pacific Northwest lend
a crisp and satisfying citrus finish.

A pint has never tasted better. 

I heart this beer. I heart the connection of it to
firemen (what girl doesn't love firemen?).

How it began, direct from their website:

Fire Chief Ale started as a single tapping back

in 1997. 13 years and thousands of pints later, 

it has become as much of a favorite for us as it 

has for our Guests and the local communities 

where we serve it. Not only is this a fresh-brewed, great 

tasting beer, but it benefits our local heroes. A part 

of the proceeds from every pint sold  benefits

our local fire  departments and related charities.

See, if you drink good and eat good, you’ve 

gotta do good too. 

Do you live near a Rock Bottom? Then do me a

favor. Sit at the bar, get a handcrafted beer, order 

up some Titan Toothpicks and Ball Park Pretzels, 

 savor every morsel, and think of me while doing so.

Oh! Don't forget about my Hasbro Family Game Night giveaway!!

More Wordful: 5 Minutes For Mom

More Wordless: Seven Clown Circus

Post-It Note Tuesday - - Dress Envy

Oh! Don't forget about my Hasbro Family Game Night giveaway!!

Embrace Your Postpartum Body

I am fourteen months postpartum. I breastfed for the entire first year. I battled the thyroid ups and downs. I ate like I was still pregnant during the first year because, duh, I was nursing and that canceled each other out.

Then I stopped nursing and realized I had to make a big change. I cut back on my food intake and was careful about what foods were making their way into my mouth. I began working out again. Two weeks in, I got pretty sick. Amidst the heat wave that was making its way through Florida way too early, I was spiking a fever and could not stop sneezing. There was no way I was able to work out during this frenzy. That was two weeks ago. I have yet to start back up again.

I know how great working out makes me feel. I sleep better and I have less aches and pains. Watching what I eat all by itself isn't enough for me. The time has to be set aside and I need to follow through. Prior to having son number three, I woke up at 5am and worked out before going to work. Now I just want to keep hitting the snooze button because "just ten more minutes" is going to make the circles under my eyes diminish like having plastic surgery. Pffft!

Then I signed on to attend this fabulous Women's Health & Wellness Expo. I was going to be representing Palm Coast Macaroni Kid all while mingling with the ladies in my community. I was going to enjoy a nice pedicure, a Zumba demonstration, sample some organic fruits and veggies from local farmers, listen to guest speakers, and I was going to promote my newsletter all at the same time. I just had to buy a dress.

I went to four stores. Four. Who has the body to wear what is being put up for sale at these places? Granted I waited until the week of the event to shop and I always avoid the mall at all costs, but still? So I settled on a pair of capri pants and a cute top, but I was only slightly satisfied.

Enter the day before the big event. I'll go to Target at lunch! Within ten minutes of walking through those doors, I was holding four dresses. I learned my lesson at the previous stores. I was going to load up my arms with the maximum allowed clothing pieces in the dressing room and go to town. By the time I was finished I figured I would have maybe one that I liked. I fell in love with all of them. So by process of elimination (eeny meeny miny moe) I was able to narrow it down to two and bought them both.

Now you're all, "How DO you embrace your postpartum body?". You go to Target and throw down about $30 and buy yourself a simple black dress with a built in body-shaper! No lumps... No bumps... Instant slimmer... Success within a one-hour lunch time limit without even breaking a sweat and messing up your good hair day!

Oh, a new pair of flip flops to complete the ensemble also helps. You're welcome!
You can read more of Pamela's great tips and tricks over at 2 Much Testosterone but be warned; she has the mouth of a pirate and masks it for no one!
This is an original Deep South Moms post.

This post was originally published at Deep South Moms, an SV Moms Group blog {Now closed}.

Deep South Moms - Post #2

I'm loving this new writing gig over at Deep South Moms! 

My first post over there got some really great feedback 

so I'm bringing you the link to my second post 

titled, "Embrace Your Postpartum Body".

 

I hope you love it!

Hasbro Family Game Night - - Giveaway!!

At Christmas, I am always on the hunt to buy 

something different to put in my son's stockings. 

This past Christmas, I purchased Monopoly Deal. This game

rules! You know how you kind of want to play Monopoly 

but you don't feel like dealing with setting up the

darn thing? Well the card version of the game 

is a no-brainer, and talk about fun-fun-fun!!! 

It's very similar in that you need to collect properties, 

buy houses/hotels, pay rent.... But there are unique

cards thrown into the mix that make it doubly fun! There's 

Wild cards to take the place of that third property you 

just can't seem to draw! There's cards that say it's your 

birthday so you better pay up now, buck-o! My favorite

is the card that forces a player to hand over a complete 

set of properties to you, or else! You get the idea. So you 

collect three full sets and you win!

For a competitive family like mine, these card

games are fantastic. So I got in touch with the folks 

over at Hasbro who, ever so graciously, sent me 

a few sets of card games. I kept a set to play 

and review and I gave some away at a Palm Coast Macaroni Kid 

event, and now I'm offering the last three 

to one of my people on my blog.

I've got, not one, but THREE games for you!

Monopoly Deal

Scrabble Slam

Sorry! Revenge

I can envision some of you sitting around the 

pool or at the beach yelling profanities at your kids

as they learn new skills to kick your ass at these games.

Oh wait, no, that would be me.... I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Now you're all, get on with it, how do I win you 

fool? Fine...

*Follow my blog via Google Friend Connect - 1 Entry

*Leave a comment about a card game you would like to 

play that's not listed in this giveaway - 1 Entry

*Post my button on your blog - 1 Entry
*Participate in Friday Fatties this week - 1 Entry
*Post my Friday Fatties button on your blog - 1 Entry
*Post about this giveaway on your blog and send me the link - 1 Entry
*Subscribe to my FREE newsletter - 1 Entry 

7 Possible Entries!

This giveaway is scheduled to close on Monday, 

May 24th at Midnight EST. Good luck y'all! 

Who needs pest control when you've got sons!

Living in Florida, we’ve all been there. My alarm goes off too early. I shamelessly hit the snooze button and lie there until ten minutes passes and it goes off again. While rubbing my eyes I walk out to the dark kitchen and turn the coffee pot on. Then I’m off to the bathroom where I brush my teeth, eyes still half closed. The pajamas come off; shower curtain gets tossed open, I step in and close it back up.

Then I see “it”; the antennas, thick black legs, and plump body. A Palmetto Bug has made its way into the light of my shower. One can only do what she is capable of doing in such circumstances. I scream like a little girl. The bug has planted himself on one of the rings of the shower curtain so I have to ever-so-carefully pry the curtain back open without disturbing said creature. I need to be able to dash out of the shower, wrap a towel around my naked body, run to the kitchen to grab the bug spray, and get back into the bathroom without him moving an inch.

I spray him once, just enough to stun him. Yet, he still moves. I glance at the can of bug spray and the “kills on contact” label stares me back. I spray him again, holding down the button longer this time. Still, he continues to move. I’m not even talking convulsions here. This is full on -never been sprayed- movement! My husband makes his appearance in the bathroom and asks if he could be of assistance. Duh!

I’m going to let you in on a little secret of ours now. We keep a food storage container in our walk-in closet located in our bathroom. The husband grabs the “bug trapper”, knocks the bug off the shower curtain rod into the tub, ever so skillfully places its new home over top of him, takes the bug spray can and carefully balances it on top. Viola! Instant bug morgue. Here is where he will reside until the twitching occurs and he can move no longer.

At this time I am able to collect what I need so I can shower in my son’s bathroom. That room in the house I want nothing to do with (do they even open their eyes when they use the toilet?)!

At the end of the day, my oldest son of fifteen is ordered to grab the vacuum and get rid of the corpse. You see, if the hour wasn’t so early when I first spotted the nasty creature, I would have yelled out to my son to grab a shoe, some paper towels, the bug spray, something to dispose of this thing. Sometimes a girl has to go to extreme measures to take care of such a thing herself. I screech loud enough in hopes that one of the males will run to my rescue.

Really though, who needs pest control service when you have three sons and a husband? The hubs is the President, the fifteen-year-old is Vice-President, the eleven-year-old is the Manager, and the one-year-old is in training. He’ll be able to point that spray can and press the button by the time he is two y’all, no lie…

This is an original post to Deep South Moms Blog.

You can find Pamela at 2 Much Testosterone.

This post was originally published at Deep South Moms, an SV Moms Group blog {Now closed}.