Wordless {or Wordful} Wednesday - Jason Voorhees is a PUSS

I am a horror movie F.A.N.A.T.I.C. I am also a firm believer that the oldies but goodies should be left as is and not be remade. There are a few that have done really well in my eyes like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Amityville Horror. Leatherface is an ass-kicker and he did doubly well in the remake. Ryan Reynolds turned into one evil mofo as George Lutze, plus he's more than easy on the eye. Halloween redone by Rob Zombie? Best. Movie. EVER.

But this whole Friday the 13th 2009 remake sucked so freaking bad. I never wanted a horror movie to end like, instantaneously. I know about the "token black guy" but this remake not only had the "token black guy" but also, a "token Asian moron".... This was just really horrid casting. The acting? Horrendous! The dude who thought he was the shit and then screamed like a little bitch before getting chopped to bits? Annoying! Most of all though, Jason Voorhees was portrayed as such a puss! This is not your run of the mill slasher dude. He is unstoppable. Hugely tall. And well.... Sort of handsome. So. Ugly. In. This. Film. I'm bored just writing about it. Don't see it. Or at least Redbox it, when you have a FREE code because it's not worth the $1!

P.S. Did you ever watch Supernatural? You know the Jared guy in the Friday the 13th remake... A part of the way through my husband was all, "Where's Dean?" Okay, if you never watched Supernatural you won't get it but I did, when it was good, and it was spit water onto the leather couch funny!

P.P.S. My husband knows how much I hate to be interrupted while writing. And just a second ago he was all, "You know that song Pants on the Floor?" and I'm all, "You mean GROUND, idiot?" and he pointed to the bra I left on the bedroom floor when I got in my comfy clothes and he was all, "Well, we have tits on the ground!" What is wrong with him?

P.P.P.S. I haven't been this "Wordless" on Wordless Wednesday in a while y'all!

As always, 5 Minutes for Mom for more Wordlessness!

And for more Wordfulness, click below!

Post-It Note Tuesday - - Bridge Talk Continues...

Do you remember this post from last week's Post-It Note Tuesday with SupahMommy?

I think I'm going to build a pond in the backyard and make these our pets. You know, because I'm not a dog person and all....

Exhale With Me Monday - - as loudly as you wish {A NEW MEME}

I jumped on the Meme train y'all! Have a looksie:





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Did you have a shitty weekend? Do you have something to brag about that happened over the weekend? Like, did you have that dream about your husband cheating on you and when you woke up on Saturday morning you treated him like garbage all weekend, even though you know it was only a dream? Write about it and come back here to link up!

So you're gonna come here every Monday to exhale and vent your weekend frustrations, as loudly as you want!! Be like me and mask your bad language for no one! Tell your friends and make this the new Monday trend. 

I'll start!

My family and I drove to Tampa for the weekend, leaving on Friday night. We had a fantastic time. I knew that by going away for the weekend, the mundane chores such as laundry would pile up, whatever, didn't matter. However, the circus was in town and of all the days, we were going on a MONDAY! The Monday after the weekend getaway.

No problem!

I get off work, drive by the local radio station to deliver some goodies for an auction for Palm Coast Macaroni Kid then drive home real quick to throw in a load of laundry. Got that sucker into the dryer and then the five of us (me, the hubs and the three boys) were off to Quizno's for a fast dinner, with coupons to boot! During all of this driving, I don't see any signs for "Event Parking" or you know, a huge fucking circus tent with like, Elephants and shit running about.

The. Circus. Was. Canceled.

So guess what we did instead? The grocery shopping. With. The. Whole. Family.

Need I say more? Need I say how badly I wanted to feed some of my kids to the hungry lions {that WEREN'T there!}?

Now link up! Go write a post of your own and grab my button to post it within.

Spirit Jump - - Cards 4 Cancer (Reminder)

I am republishing an older post because the deadline is nearing and I want to remind everyone about this important project. I will be in touch soon with those of you who discussed sending me cards privately. 

CARDS 4 CANCER 

In Loving Memory Of Delores “Dee” Ruse

On Saturday April 10th, 2010 Spirit Jump and the team leaders around the world will deliver bags of uplifting cards to their local cancer centers to be given to those battling cancer. Cards can be collected by asking family members, friends, neighbors, schools, youth groups or just about anyway you can think of getting them. Cards can be handmade or store bought and should have a positive message to help JUMP the SPIRIT of someone who is battling cancer.

The purpose is to bring hope and comfort to the many men, women and children battling cancer. Not just creating awareness but also having a direct and positive impact on the lives of those who are hurting.

Spirit Jump has set a goal to collectively deliver over 100,000 uplifting cards. Join me and together we can reach this goal.

The cards may be signed but do not have to be, however you feel most comfortable. The cards may be in an envelope or not but if you do place them in an envelope, I suggest leaving the envelope unsealed in case the staff needs to look at the cards before they are delivered.

Here are some guidelines to follow:

1- Try to stay away from “Get Well”. Unfortunately, some of the recipients of your cards will not get well and this message, while a positive one, can be hard for some.  Because we do not know specifically who will receive your cards, it’s a good idea to stay away from any type of “Get Well” messages.

2- “Thinking of You”, “Wishing You Well”, “You Are In Our Thoughts”, “Encouraging You Through Your Battle”, etc…are all great messages to include in your cards.

3- Uplifting quotes are always great!

4- Drawings without any message at all work too.

5- Try to stay gender and age neutral, as you do not know who will be receiving your cards.

6- It is asked that you include spiritjump.org somewhere in your card so that people who want to receive more cards know about our services.

7- Hospitals have asked that people not include religious messages in their cards.

8- Hospitals have also asked not to store cards in a home where someone smokes cigarettes and that they are kept in a smoke free environment.

I will be delivering the cards to the following institution on April 10, 2010:

Florida Hospital Flagler’s Cancer Institute
60 Memorial Medical Parkway
Palm Coast, FL 32164 | (386) 586-2000

My team name is simply “In Memory Of Dee Ruse”.

If you have any questions or you’re interested in donating a box of store bought cards, or if you would like to forward me your own handmade cards, please contact me at via email at pamelakapler@live.com. You can also become my team member.

I have contacted the principal of my son, Isaac’s school. His class and hopefully others will be participating in this project. Mr. Scardigno, his teacher, has graciously accepted and I thank him sincerely for this.

Thank you in advance!

Over-Boisterous DJ Laughter

You know exactly what I'm talking about. There's that one morning show on the radio {which you're being tortured to listen to because like MTV there's no more music to hear} where the "personality" (I hear they don't like "DJ" anymore?) says something - minimally funny - and laughs so over-boisterously that you want to heat up the cigarette lighter and put it up your nose! While driving! Just so you don't have to deal with the pain anymore.... Like you're willing to point pain in another part of your body as a distraction!

That's all I have for today. Because I'm still pissed off about having to listen to the laughter all the way to my computer to pound out this little ditty.

HOWEVER!!! I have a new meme coming to my blog on Monday! Here's a little peak:

She's sexy right? What is this meme all about you're wondering! Well, I'm about to tell you!

***

Did you have a shitty weekend? Do you have something to brag about that happened over the weekend? Like, did you have that dream about your husband cheating on you and when you woke up on Saturday morning you treated him like garbage all weekend, even though you know it was only a dream? Write about it and come back here to link up! ON MONDAY!

The premise is this.... Do up your weekend and come back here on Monday to Exhale with me! The "as loudly as you wish" part is simple. Don't mask it. Throw it out there and feel better once you're finished. Got it? Tell your friends...

Are you still using toothpaste to clean your teeth and gums? 

That's so yesterday!

Writer's Workshop - - Affirmations {Funny ones}

I saw the list of assignments and I chose to accept it.

Mama Kat asked, “I need all the help I can get and if repeating something healthy and inspiring to myself several times a day helps, then I’m going to do it!” -What affirmation makes you feel better?

Truth be told, I don't have one. I probably should. So if you know me like you think you know me, then you know I've compiled a list of affirmations I wish I had come up with all on my own!

Yes, I guess as an adult, I am one of those students who don't follow instructions and I do the assignment my own way. I failed. Whatever. At least I had fun!

*Ahem*

• I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

• In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

• My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

• Joan of Arc heard voices too.

• I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

• All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

• Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so.”

• I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

• Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step — blaming my parents.
  
  
  

Wordless/Wordful Wednesday - - Oh-Em-Gee!!

If you haven't tasted this little bit of goodness, you are missing out. At first glance I was all, this this is so small, I'm going to have to eat at least two of them just to be satisfied. Not so much. It's light because it's "whipped" yet it's filling because it's Mousse.

And no, I haven't been paid in any way to put this on my blog. If Jello is out there and wants to pay me, in Jello Mousse 6-packs... I'm all ears!

Seven Clown Circus for more Wordful Wednesday entries!

 

5 Minutes for Mom for more Wordless Wednesday entries!

Post It Note Tuesday - The Drive Home

 

  

Loud Noises in the Bathroom

Not farts! (I know one of my "followers" who is cringing at that word right now!)

There are two noises within the bathroom I can totally live without. One is the belt buckle. It's embarrassing enough that you have to go through the process of pulling your pants down to sit on the thrown, right? I absolutely hate it when I can hear someone undoing and redoing their belt buckle. Why? I don't know! It's just one of those things. I go above and beyond to hold my buckle whilst undoing it so others don't have to hear it! I aim to please. It's what I do. What can I say?

 <--- I am so getting one of these!

What is the second sound you ask? The damn tampon wrapper crinkling sound! We can put a space station into orbit but we can't make a silent tampon wrapper? What gives?

Since we're discussing annoying sounds, I'll throw in two things I don't like to hear at the dinner table! The first is the sound of teeth dragging on the silverware. What the hell people? Is it too hard to avoid? It doesn't make me feel all icky or anything, it simply annoys the shit out of me. So stop fucking doing it!

And number two! Sniffling during a meal. I'm not talking about the occasional breathing in of air a bit too hard. I'm talking like, you have some nastiness going on up in your schnoz and you probably should have blown your nose (in the bathroom) before sitting down to break bread with me. My son does this. I hate it. I point it out to him almost every night. Also, he sweats when he eats anything with ketchup on it. He's going to kick my ass for allowing that to be published here but whatever. It's why I started having kids in the first place. To torture.

That is all...

My new button!

Yeah, I like it too! Want it? It's over on my sidebar thanks to my girl Darla at Hissyfits and Halos! She's all techie and stuff. Thanks Darla!!!

Talking Elevators & Birds Who Walk?

Inside joke alert: At my house, when we love something so much we say, "Oh, I just want to lick all your hair off!" Like, if my 1 year old does something too freaking cute for words I'll go, "You're so cute I just want to lick all your hair off!"

The short version of the reasoning behind this phrase is this. Last year, my son Isaac (who is 10) was making fun of the things girls say. One time he described how all the girls in his class are always all "Awwwwwwww!" when they see a puppy. So he was making fun of them one day and said. "Awwwwww, that puppy is so cute I just want to lick all his hair off!" And so it was born!

There's a story here, there's always a story here!

Last weekend. I was out promoting Palm Coast Macaroni Kid. My oldest son Jerytt and I were at this shopping center handing out flyers and talking to business owners. It was a two-story building and the stairs weren't in sight most of the time, so we opted for the elevator. The. Elevator. Talked. 

She was so pleasant. You get in and she's all, "Going up!" and I'm all, "Why yes, yes I am!". When we got to the next floor she's all, "Here you are!" and I'm all, "You're so awesome, I just want to lick all your hair off!" She was that sexy, let me tell you!

 

Okay, now I want to discuss birds. You know how you'll be driving along and a fucking squirrel will run in front of your car and you don't even hesitate to slam on your breaks because "Fucking squirrel!"? Well, birds can fly, right? Why the hell are they taking to walking across the street? Penguins are one thing, I totally realize it's like 1,000,000 to 1 that a penguin is going to dart in front of my moving vehicle, in Florida, but that would be understandable right? Because of the whole, they can't fly thing. But when a bird is crossing the street, via his feet, I only slow down. I don't halt like I would for the fuzzy squirrel trying to find his goodies he buried for later.

 When I'm approaching a bird walking across the street, I slow down a bit and am all, "Why the hell aren't you flying? You have wings you asshole!" Then I get to thinking that perhaps he's mocking me! He's all, "You're human. I know that at least once a week you have that dream where you can fly. This is me telling you that I can do both, and you can't, you dumb bitch!"

One year later - - A before and after

St. Patrick's Day 2009, one year ago:

 St. Patrick's Day 2010, yesterday:

"Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it" 

-- Lord Chesterfield

 

Play Tent Giveaway! And the winner is.......

Jennifer at Whatever and Beyond. Congratulations Jennifer!! You win this:

I will send you an email shortly so we can talk details.

I have another giveaway of sorts going on too. Go here to win this:

Enjoy the day!

Wordless Wednesday -- Fat Bastard

You totally got intrigued by my post title. You thought you were going to see some nasty, fat plumber bending over a pipe with his ass crack staring back at you. You sick fool!

5 Minutes for Mom for more!

P.S. My playtent giveaway ends this Wednesday at Midnight, EST... Get on it!

Also, I have a new giveaway. A Lia Sophia Curlicue Necklace. Ends March 22nd at Midnight, EST!

Post-It Note Tuesday -- The "I wish it were different" Edition!

P.S. My playtent giveaway ends this Wednesday at Midnight, EST... Get on it!

Also, I have a new giveaway. A Lia Sophia Curlicue Necklace. Ends March 22nd at Midnight, EST!

Local Business Commercials SUCK

I'm not sure if it's just where I live, but the commercials for local businesses are being taken over by kids. Maybe it's just me, but whenever I see their faces appear on my TV, or I hear their high-pitched, annoying voices on the radio, I cringe. I cover my ears. I change the channel. Sadly, I've even wished harm on these little hellions. They fucking annoy me.

They're all done up like the freaks of nature from that show 'Toddlers in Tiaras'! They are taking over the airways. By no means do I want to buy a new car at Bob Dance's car lot because of this:

Furniture at Appliance Direct is an option no more because of this dude's kid:

The topper is little Preston. He's looking to, "See ya in a Kia'" only I couldn't find a photo. I thought it would be a lot easier to get photos of these shorties online, but no.

Kids in commercials have become mainstream. Can we not be creative anymore? I realize people are probably not lining up these days to purchase cars or expensive appliances but getting your kid on the big screen isn't going to make me feel bad for you and spend money I don't have.

Unless of course your kid is Tiny Tim!

Stick this kid in your commercials and I'm screwed....

P.S. My playtent giveaway ends this Wednesday at Midnight, EST... Get on it!
Also, I have a new giveaway. A Lia Sophia Curlicue Necklace. Ends March 22nd at Midnight, EST!

Lia Sophia Curlicue Necklace "Giveaway"

It's giveaway time! How beautiful is this necklace?

Here's the thing, it's not just a hand-it-over-to-you giveaway.

Yesterday I put up this post. Read it and come back. I'll recap you if you're too lazy to click the link, because I'm cool like that.

My sister is hosting a jewelry show through Lia Sophia (http://www.liasophia.com/index_en_US.jsp). The pieces are all quite beautiful and unique. I'm trying not to buy it all! If you're interested, follow these simple instructions to make a purchase under her name:

1- Go here (http://www.liasophia.com/sites/laura4jewels/how-to-purchase)
2- Enter in the Hostess Name: "Lisa Rana"
3- Click on her link "Lisa Rana"
4- Spend a minimum of $25 and you qualify for the Curlicue Necklace giveaway

There are some perks! Here you go:

• Buy ANY 3 items and receive a 50% off discount on the most expensive item!

THEN

• Buy ANY 3 necklaces and get 50% off of EACH necklace!

There's no limit on the above. Buy in multiples of three and the discount applies. Also, if you want to host your own party or catalog show (email my sister at lkapler@optonline.com) and you get more benefits:

• 20% off your purchase if you have at least $250 in sales
• 40% off your purchase if you have 2 bookings and 10 orders

That's it. Follow the instructions to place your order and come back here and leave me a comment letting me know which beautiful pieces you bought, so I can envy you. Once I confirm your order via my sister, you're entered into the drawing. It's that easy!

This "giveaway" ends on Monday, March 22nd at Midnight Eastern Standard Time.

Because we could all use more jewelry in our lives...

This is my sister, Lisa:

Isn't she totally adorable sporting her Mickey ears? We went to Disney World on Christmas Eve this year. She made her hubs take photos of her in random hats at the hat cart.

I'm not kidding. Here's another one:

Then she got my boys involved:

I'm totally going to get my ass kicked for the Goofy one!

I know, I know. You're all, the fuck does this have to do with jewelry? Settle down....

My sister is hosting a jewelry show through Lia Sophia. The pieces are all quite beautiful and unique. I'm trying not to buy it all! If you're interested, follow these simple instructions to make a purchase under her name:

1- Go here
2- Enter in the Hostess Name: "Lisa Rana"
3- Click on her link "Lisa Rana"
4- Spend your money and lots of it

The show ends on Monday, March 22nd.

__________

Oh my God! How brave is my husband for riding the Aladdin ride with NO HANDS?!

Enjoy y'all!