Crescent Rolls & Indian Burns

Friday night, I was making dinner. Jerytt was helping (his current goal is to be a chef, yay!). I cut up the steak and got it cooking, Jerytt was working on the peppers. Once it was all in the pot getting yummy, I asked Jerytt to prepare the crescent rolls to go into the oven. I got the pan ready for him and turned away to start another dish. I could hear him struggling when he asked me for a knife. I spun around to see what appeared to me, him giving an Indian burn to the tube of crescent rolls. He never pulled the tab that makes the container "pop open". It was hilarious. Being the mean person that I am, I had to point it out in the most sarcastic way imaginable. He'll never live it down.

I'm glad I started this blog. I can't wait to have a collection of stories for everyone to relive.

Hard Boiled Egg

This could have been used to describe me. I'm not sure what time frame changed me from a hard boiled egg to that of being scrambled. I don't even know why my references are that of eggs, I hate them!

A hard ass - - at one time!

Even if something was bothering me, I kept that exterior wall so built up, you would never know it! Times have changed. I wish I could have freeze framed what once was. I hate being this pile of mush.

My vision is blurry. Why can't it be as easy as turning the lens of a camera for clearer focus? My identity is lost. I'm a person I don't think I would want to know, if of course I wasn't me. Not right now anyway.

Thank goodness for my husband and children. I was cooking one of our family favorites last night, enchiladas. Eric put Xavier down on the ground and made him act like he was walking and talking to me. Whenever he does this, I'm powerless. I melt and I love it. I love him for it. He always knows how to comfort me even when I don't know I need to be comforted.

We're in need of an escape of sorts right now. I envision Eric sleeping soundly in bed, catching up on some much needed rest. My children and I are rolling out of bed and directly dressing up in our swimsuits and flip flops. We're taking a ride to the beach. It's around 8:30am. We walk onto the sand and they're as free as the birds who have migrated to the same spot. Xavier is close to me, in his Moby Wrap, drifting into a sweet slumber. Jerytt and Isaac are chasing the waves, and who am I kidding, trying to knock each other off his feet. It's peaceful and my exterior wall is no longer...

Meet the Family

This is no "mommy blog" by any means. Occasionally, I refer to my family in said blog but it's usually because I'm making fun of one of them. If you hate bad language, this isn't the blog for you. I bitch, moan and groan. Get used to it!

Once upon a time, my husband and I had two sons and were completely happy. Then in June of 2006, I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. At the time our youngest was 10 and our oldest 15. It was a complete shock, but we were ecstatic and terrified at the same time.

I developed postpartum depression when I returned to work 8 weeks after giving birth to my 3rd son (yes, all boys). That was over 3 years ago. The depression seemed to disappear after about 9 months so I stopped taking my meds against medical advice (However, I did wean slowly under doctor's supervision). Big mistake. 6 months later, it returned accompanying new symptoms; anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, and suicidal ideations.

I went back on the same antidepressants as before but they didn't work the second time around. Since then, I've been on medication after medication. I haven't quite found the right "cocktail" to even things out. The waiting game is getting old and I feel like a lab rat.

I've ended up in the ER.

I was hospitalized for suicidal ideations after writing this post at Band Back Together. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II during my hospital stay. I returned the the hospital for shock therapy in desperation.

Now I'm ready to figure out what all of this means for me....

^^^

Moi:

My vag will never be the same after spawning 3 boys! I'm also a wife, PPD ass kickah, blogger, snarky biznitch, a wanna be SAHM and a Bipolar Disorder survivor...

I live where the sun shines deep, the beach is within walking distance, and palm trees line the streets. Florida!

My husband, Eric, is currently a stay at home super dad by day and a newly college graduate:

Together we have three sons.

Jerytt, the oldest at 17 years:

Isaac, the middle child at 12 years:

Xavier, the shortest shortie at 3:

The "X" sounds like a "Z"!

So have a look around. Read. Comment. Do it again tomorrow.

My old header:

An oldie but a goodie, right?

Contact Information

I am email obsessed: lotsospermies@live.com

Facebook Page

Twitter (@lotsOspermies)

PR

Do you have a Public Relations request? I welcome PR opportunities and paid advertisers...

See below:

Advertising? Yes! I can offer you either style ad above on a
weekly ($5)/monthly ($15)/annual basis ($150)! Or? Make me an offer I can't refuse.

Reviews? Yes! But I don't review just anything. Hit me up, we'll talk! I don't change my writing tone to suit a product. My reviews will always be spermie style!

Stats? Yes! Of course you'll want to see traffic reports. I will send it to you.

Contact me and we'll chat: lotsospermies@live.com

More of Me

I've also been writing here: 

*Blogcritics

Postpartum Mood Disorder Resources

The following is a list of definitions and resources I have personally turned to in my time of need. I hope they will help you too. 

Definitions
What is Postpartum Depression (PPD)?
What is Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)?
What is Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (PPOCD)?
What is Postpartum-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PPTSD)?
What is Postpartum Psychosis (PPP)?

Helpful Websites

Postpartum Support International

Postpartum Progress

Postpartum Progress Daily Hope

Postpartum Support Groups (U.S. and Canada)

Women's Mental Health Treatment Programs & Specialists (U.S., Canada, Australia)

My Postpartum Voice

Beyond Postpartum

Depression During and After Pregnancy

Postpartum Healing

Postpartum Support for Fathers

The Online Postpartum Support Group

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Social Networking

Twitter #PPDChat Every Monday at 1:00pm and 8:30pm EST

This is for me

This blog is for me. I am inspired by many other individual's blogs but this one, this one is for my own sanity. A way to get the thoughts out of my head that seem to build and build and build. Followers? I'm not too worried about that, if I get one (Naomi) fine. But this is for me.

Once a baby is produced, grows inside of you for what seems like forever, is born into the world... the "for me" moments are few and extremely far between. I'm not trying to be selfish, I'm simply looking for a little self healing...

I have three sons. Jerytt will be 15 come October. 15! Am I old enough to be the mother to a freshman in high school? Well yeah, I had him when I was 17. A mistake, no way! We have our challenges but I wouldn't trade him.

Isaac just turned 10. He's my little hard headed prince. Isaac can be raging mad (probably something Jerytt did) but then his sweetness overpowers the situation and all is well in the world once again. Jerytt and Isaac - - best friends for life! Sometimes they act like mortal enemies but cross one of them, and the other will have you begging for mercy!

Xavier is about to turn 4 months old. He's supposed to have crossed that threshold of being out of this so-called 4th trimester and into the livelihood of infant status. We're on the cusp of that right now. My husband refers to him as the King. Whatever the King wants, the King shall get.

Is it awful of me to enjoy having a baby at this stage in my life more now than when I was only 17 years old with Jerytt... or when I was 21 with Isaac? Is that selfish to say outloud (or to type)? Well I do enjoy it more now. I enjoy the 4am feedings (which usually also include a ritualistic diaper exlosion), I let him nurse until his heart is content. I love rolling over in the morning to the sun sized smile on his face, chubby cheeks spread wide. I'm a more patient person with this one.

I used to be so scheduled. Laundry on Sunday, deep clean the house every other weekend (now I'm lucky to run the vacuum), no going out after work... a total home body. Just me and my boys, husband too of course (our 3rd wedding anniversary is on the rise, this marks 12 years together total). This small King is taking over our existence and I'm completely and totally fascinated by it. By him. So what's a few months lost of the usual day to day occurrences? Things will get finished (or started) in due time. I have to constantly remind myself of this.

I'm back at work now, going on about a month give or take. Eric (my husband) is home with all the boys for the Summer. He's a student. I'm the bread winner. Once he's finished and we pay off some debt, the roles will reverse. I'm sincerely jealous that he is home and I am not. It's putting me into a state of depression, I've never felt like this before. I didn't even know it was possible to develop postpartum depression for up to a year after giving birth! It used to only hit me during the week while I was at work. Now it's creeping in on Saturday night and Sunday morning over coffee, it's invading my sacred space. I thought the writing would assist with keeping it at bay. I'll soon find out.

I hope to mark the page with more positives than negatives. Soon. Right now I have to deal with the matter at hand. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love our new (rental) home. It's time to be happy and wash away these thoughts in my head.

Bloggy Love

href="http://makemommygosomethingsomething.com/">

Spermie Soldiers

"Spermie Soldiers" Tab

Get Twisted

In the words of Captain Grace:

If you haven’t traveled over to Twisted Scavenger then let me give you some information and tell you how this is going to work for you and your blog.

Twisted Scavenger is so much more than a normal blog hop. We have a member's area which works to promote your site. RSS feeds are blasted so other members become aware of your blog, Facebook page and Twitter handle to increase your traffic.

Think of the members area as Facebook for bloggers and you may come to understand how valuable of a tool this site can be for you.

We also have a forum! One of the many topics is "Free Giveaways"…a perfect place for you to announce yours! It will connect you to other bloggers, games. and giveaways for members only.

Members will blog about the same prompt on Twisted Thursday, but don’t be mistaken; this will not handicap you in anyway if you are a photo blogger, recipe blogger, etc. Think of it as a challenge. How well can you convey the prompt with photos? Can you back up your prompt with a recipe? Fun, right?

If you were drawn to blogging from your desire to write creatively, Twisted Scavenger is for you as well. Another day will be devoted for Creative Writing Jams where one blogger begins a story line and then each one that follows continues to write. Eventually the story will end with a scavenger hunt, which will take place throughout the story line.

Twisted Scavenger promises to be a fun and a worthwhile site to help direct traffic to your blog. Quality traffic!

Visit Twisted Scavenger for more information or go directly to the sign up page and become a member.

Twisted Scavenger is waiting for more bloggers to sign up so we can get hopping! Sign up today and try us out....or walk the plank. Arrrrrrgh!

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder sometimes referred to as manic-depressive illness or manic-depression. It involves cycles of depression and elation or mania. The moods can shift from high to low rapidly, or over the course of days or weeks with intervals of “normal” moods in between.

There are three types of Bipolar Disorder.

1. Bipolar Type I
2. Bipolar Type II
3. Rapid-Cycling Form

Bipolar I is the classic type. People usually experience depression, get better for a time, then go into a manic phase.

Bipolar Type II is similar to Type I, however, the manic phases aren't as serious or destructive. The manic phases are much milder and are also referred to as hypomania (see below). Usually, fewer manic episodes occur with Bipolar Type II.

Rapid-Cycling Form is the third type of Bipolar Disorder. With this type, individuals experience four or more episodes of depression and/or mania within a year. These people may be healthy between episodes of depression and mania, or go directly from depression to a manic episode.

Let's explore the disorder in further detail.

There are two completely different sets of signs and symptoms classified as depression and mania.

Signs and Symptoms of Depression:

• Sadness and anxiety
• Loss of energy
• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
• Loss of interest or enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable
• Difficulty concentrating
• Uncontrollable crying
• Difficulty making decisions
• Increased need for sleep
• Insomnia
• Change in appetite causing weight loss or gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Attempting suicide

Signs and Symptoms of Mania:

• Excessive happiness, hopefulness, and excitement
• Sudden changes from being joyful to being irritable, angry, and hostile
• Restlessness, increased energy, and less need for sleep
• Rapid talk, talkativeness
• Distractibility
• Racing thoughts
• High sex drive
• Tendency to make grand and unattainable plans
• Tendency to show poor judgment, such as deciding to quit a job
• Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity — unrealistic beliefs in one’s ability, intelligence, and powers; may be delusional
• Increased reckless behaviors (such as lavish spending sprees, impulsive sexual indiscretions, abuse of alcohol or drugs, or ill-advised business decisions)

Signs and Symptoms of Hypomania:

• Periods of time with an especially energetic mood
• Feeling more self-confident than normal
• Being very talkative or speaking faster than usual
• Feeling hyper
• Having a hard time concentrating
• Being more irritable or angry
• Needing less sleep than normal
• Having more interest in sex
• Uncharacteristic spending sprees

The content from this page has been duplicated with permission from Band Back Together. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all. Pretty much? They rock over there so for additional information and resources on Bipolar Disorder, please visit Band Back Together's Bipolar Disorder Resources page. 

Bloggy Moms Writer's Workshop

Are you looking for prompts to help get you out of a writer's block phase?

Maybe you're looking to take the guesswork out of what to write one day per week?

Perhaps you really love to write and want to challenge yourself?

You've come to the right place!

Writers from all walks of life are encouraged to join.

The Bloggy Moms Writer's Workshop prompts are announced every Wednesday and are linked up the following Monday. For those overachievers out there, the linky will be available the same day as the prompt announcement, but there's no pressure to finish early. As an added convenience, the linky will be available here on my blog within my own post.

Recommendations for topics is welcome. If your prompt is used, you will be given credit and a link to your blog will be placed within the announcement of the prompt.

It's recommended that you keep your post under 800 words. Please place the Bloggy Moms Writer's Workshop button (available in the sidebar) within your post and comment on as many posts as possible.

Most of all? Have fun and write!