Secrets, Illness & Karma

Are you a firm believer that everything happens for a reason? You know, a glass half-full kind of person? I'm not. I wouldn't call myself a pessimist though. I like to say that I'm more of a realist. 

When I overcame postpartum depression I did kind of feel like a better person. Mainly because I had the necessary experience to coach other new moms in similar situations. And I did. And I still do to this day. Nobody should have to ride that illness out alone. Nobody.

Then I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and let me tell you, there's no good coming from this. The extreme highs are wonderful but what goes up (insert cliche here)...The downs are gut wrenching and horrifying. 

I think about illness just about everyday (how could I not?). I will let you in on a secret of my own...When I'm in my lowest of lows, I'll admit it, sometimes I wish for an incurable illness to put me out of my misery. But on the other hand, because I'm an active blogger and social media addict, I see how things like that tears families apart.

Think about the people who have never smoked a day in their lives and POOF! Lung cancer. Or what about the people who eat right and work their body out regularly and POOF! Heart disease. I don't know about you, but I have a hard time trying to find the positive in instances like these. But it happens everyday. 

I see people who are really good people. They think of others before they think of themselves and they're always smiling. Then tragedy strikes. I often live in fear that bad things are going to happen because I see more negative than positive. (Have you tried to watch the news lately?) But that's no way to live.  

I guess I need a lesson in karma. 

This post was inspired by the novel Those We Love Most by Lee Woodruff. Every family has its secrets and deceptions, but they come to surface a tragic accident changes the family dynamic forever. Join From Left to Write on June 6 as we discuss Those We Love Most. You can also enter to win a live video chat with Lee Woodruff! As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

His One & Only

Write a short scene set at a lake, with trees and shit. Throw some birds in there, too. By Dan Wiencek

The tree limbs were in that conscious divide, part of the way dying and part of the way springing back to life. It overlooked the once busy lake. At one time it housed children swimming within its shallows and fishing poles hanging where the water deepened.

Once a happy place of wonder and joy; now full of sorrow and angst. What appeared punched with blue now cropped into an abyss. Black and without feeling.  

The house backed up to the reservoir where it always smelled like Thanksgiving. Perfect meals and baked goods formerly prepared without flaw. Now it stands as an empty birdcage. The house that no longer held onto relationships anew. It withered and dwindled into nothingness. Thoughts long forgotten. Memories shaded.

His love was lost. When she vanished, out went the smells and tastes and colors. She who created what once was. His cares were abandoned.

His once smooth exterior was now wrinkled and pining for the care of a woman. He was lost and aging. Almost gone.

Waiting.

Just waiting.

To join her again.

Black and white.

Growing Pains

For approximately four years I have been going on and on and on, on this little blog mainly regarding mental health. I think it's time to shift gears and maybe grow up a little bit, in a sense.

I don't want to be known only as a blogger. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course! I would rather be known as a writer. Blogging has opened doors I didn't know existed. I just think it's time to transition in what I blog about.

For about a week now, I've been reading a lot about the writing process and what all it entails from the viewpoint of one author. I'm taking the advice written in one book specifically (Bird By Bird By Anne Lamott) that simply says to sit down at the same time every day and just write (among many other things). It's a lot harder than one might think.

What I'm getting at here is that I'm going to be writing a lot of essays in the days to come. Some will be blog publishing worthy and others won't. I'll take my chances. But that's where this blog is heading....it's growing up in a way.

I'd love for you to grow with me.